Trying to read between the lines
An Adviser Asks…
Is an agony-aunt style column where all members of the Financial Services community are invited to write in to ask for advice on any relational or ‘soft skills’ questions, dilemmas, issues or conflicts playing out in their working lives.
Got a question for Emma? If you’d like to ask for some advice on a dilemma or issue at work, please submit your question anonymously below.
TLDR
An early career adviser writes in to An Adviser Asks after being told they are falling short on identifying vulnerability in client meetings. They care deeply about their work and feel confident in their listening skills - so why aren’t they spotting what others seem to?
In response, Emma explores why vulnerability can be so hard to recognise, how clients may hide it (even from themselves), and what it really means to create the kind of space where trust - and truth - can emerge.
Dear Emotional Finance,
I'm just shy of a couple of years into advising and things have been going pretty well, or so I thought until recently.
In my latest 1:1 with my manager, I was told I'm falling short when it comes to identifying vulnerability. My manager pointed out that the FCA estimates just under 50% of UK adults show one or more characteristics of vulnerability, and said my client files don't reflect that. Apparently, I'm flagging vulnerability in less than 10% of cases which is much lower than others in the team. It's now on my development plan as an area for improvement.
To be honest, I feel completely out of my depth. I really do care about doing right by my clients, and my manager said she doesn't doubt that. But I don't understand how I'm meant to know someone's vulnerable if they don't tell me.
Most of my clients seem fine. We get on well. I think I'm a good listener and I ask the right sorts of powerful questions but I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to be looking or listening for if they're not bringing it up themselves.
Is there something I'm missing? How do other advisers seem to pick up on things that I don't?
Yours,
Trying to read between the lines
Dear Trying to read between the lines,
First of all, thank you for writing. I'm really glad you reached out and I want to reassure you that what you're describing is incredibly common, especially early in your career.
Identifying vulnerability is genuinely difficult work. Even with years of therapeutic experience working with vulnerable people, I still find it challenging. And that makes perfect sense when you consider what we're actually dealing with.
The FCA defines a vulnerable consumer as "someone who, due to their personal circumstances, is especially susceptible to harm, particularly when a firm is not acting with appropriate levels of care." They highlight four key drivers: poor health, low financial capability, low resilience, and negative life events.
But here's what makes this tricky: these categories aren't fixed or universal. A heart disease diagnosis might lead one person to withdraw and feel hopeless, while another books that long-awaited holiday and embraces life more fully. Divorce might devastate one client while liberating another. The same circumstances can create entirely different experiences of vulnerability.
Add to this how differently people relate to their own vulnerabilities. For some, it's a source of shame to be hidden at all costs, especially from their financial adviser. They may worry that disclosure could affect the advice or products available to them. For others, it's a challenge they want support with. And for others still, it doesn't feel relevant unless it's directly financial so they just won’t bring it up.
So how are you meant to know a client is vulnerable if they don't tell you?
Let me be clear about what I think your role is, and what it isn't.
You're not being asked to diagnose vulnerability like a doctor diagnoses illness. You're not expected to dig for clues like a detective. And you don't need to explore vulnerabilities like a therapist.
Rather, your role is to build the kind of connection where clients feel safe and supported enough to share what you need to know. When they trust you, they'll typically tell you what matters - and that's when you can identify vulnerabilities and work together to maximise good outcomes whilst avoiding harm.
Creating that safety and support means:
Building genuine trust through demonstrating integrity, transparency, competence and care in everything you do.
Inviting rather than demanding disclosure. If clients feel interrogated or cornered, they'll shut down. Stay open and curious. Gently ask if there's more underneath that half-finished sentence or sharp intake of breath.
Being fully present with quality attention that shows you're truly interested. If you're distracted, rushing, or mentally elsewhere, clients will sense it and won't feel safe enough to be vulnerable.
Listening to understand and responding with empathy. When clients feel misunderstood or judged, they protect themselves by sharing less.
Getting comfortable with your own relationship to vulnerability. If you feel uneasy with uncertainty, heightened emotions, illness, or conflict - the messier parts of being human - clients will pick up on that discomfort. If you rush to fix, avoid difficult feelings, or quickly look on the bright side, they'll realise you can't tolerate discomfort. And that means you're not safe hands to be vulnerable with.
This isn't easy work. It takes practice, commitment, and courage. Courage to take your manager's feedback as an invitation to grow rather than a criticism to defend against.
I recommend you find someone to help you develop these skills. It could be via coaching, mentoring or training, but these skills can’t be learned just by simply being told about how important they are. They are kind of like new shoes. You need to try a few pairs on until you get a feel for which ones fit best. Then you need to wear them in a little, perhaps trip up in them once or twice till they get so comfortable you forget you are wearing them. Till they fit like a glove.
And here's what I want you to know: this challenge could end up being a most wondrous gift. This could be the moment you decide to develop the relational skills that set you apart from every run-of-the-mill adviser out there. Because when clients trust you with their vulnerability, everything else follows: deeper engagement, better outcomes, stronger loyalty. Imagine your performance review then!
I'm rooting for you.
Warmly,
Emma at Emotional Finance
Got a question for Emma? If you’d like to ask for some advice on a dilemma or issue at work, please submit your question anonymously below.