Taking Relational Notes:

A first set of prompts and questions for thinking intentionally about your client relationships.

A notebook with the word "Notes" written on the first page, a fountain pen resting on the notebook, and a blurred pair of glasses in the background.

How to use these prompts

Think of these prompts as a way of walking around your client relationships - looking from new vantage points, through different lenses, noticing what you might not otherwise have seen.

You don't need to answer every question after every meeting. Maybe start with the ones that feel most relevant, and every now and then, stretch yourself to answer one that doesn't immediately seem to apply. Those are often the most interesting.

Take each answer as far as you'd like to. Ask yourself why you've answered as you have. What's the evidence for that? What else might be worth knowing?

Try to stay curious and let your thoughts lead you somewhere, rather than settling for the first answer that comes. Try not to judge yourself or your client at this stage - these prompts are simply to help you raise awareness.

The notes you take are for you, not anyone else. Allow yourself some freedom with them if you can. You could write in the traditional sense, or mindmap, draw, use a metaphor, or reach for a song lyric. There's no right way to do this - experiment until you find what works best for you. 

A note on the word bank: if you find yourself unsure where to begin, or want some inspiration, there’s a word bank at the bottom of this page. You don't need to use it - but it's there if it helps.

Your Relational Prompts

How would you describe the quality of your relationship with this client? Has it changed since you started working together?

How would you describe the quality of trust between you and this client in this particular meeting? 

How would you describe the quality of connection between you and this client in this particular meeting? 

How would you describe the quality of your collaboration between you and this client in this particular meeting? 

What's one thing you noticed about yourself in this meeting?

How would you describe how you feel after this meeting?  

Is there anything happening in this client’s world (practically, emotionally or relationally) that you think may have influenced the meeting? What difference do you think it may have made? How did you respond? 

If you had to guess at something your client might be feeling or thinking - but didn't say out loud - what might it be?

Is there anything about this client that you find difficult or challenging? 

Is there a question you are left with after this meeting? 

If you find yourself unsure where to begin, or want some inspiration, use this word bank to get started…

  • Accepting

  • Accusatory

  • Active

  • Agonising

  • Agitated

  • Alert

  • Aligned

  • Ambitious

  • Angsty

  • Anxious

  • Asymmetric

  • Attentive

  • Attuned

  • Authoritative

  • Automatic

  • Awkward

  • Boring

  • Boundaried

  • Brittle

  • Calm

  • Caring

  • Celebratory

  • Challenging

  • Charged

  • Clear

  • Clipped

  • Close

  • Closed

  • Collaborative

  • Concise

  • Confirming

  • Confident

  • Confusing

  • Connected

  • Considered

  • Contained

  • Controlled

  • Courageous

  • Creative

  • Curious

  • Cynical

  • Declarative

  • Deep

  • Deepening

  • Defined

  • Deflated

  • Delicate

  • Despairing

  • Detached

  • Detailed

  • Deterministic

  • Direct

  • Difficult

  • Discerning

  • Disclosing

  • Dismissed

  • Disrespectful

  • Distant

  • Drained

  • Dull

  • Dynamic

  • Easy

  • Emotional

  • Emotionless

  • Engaged

  • Enjoyable

  • Enriching

  • Enmeshed

  • Equal

  • Established

  • Evasive

  • Evolving

  • Exciting

  • Exploratory

  • Exposing

  • Familiar

  • Flat

  • Flourishing

  • Focused

  • Fragile

  • Frank

  • Forced

  • Frictionless

  • Friendly

  • Frustrated

  • Full

  • Generative

  • Grateful

  • Grounded

  • Happy

  • Haphazard

  • Hard

  • Harmonious

  • Heavy

  • Heard

  • Hemmed in

  • Hierarchical

  • Hollow

  • Honest

  • Hopeful

  • Idealistic

  • Indirect

  • Insightful

  • Inspiring

  • Level-headed

  • Light

  • Limiting

  • Measured

  • Meaningful

  • Meek

  • Micro-managed

  • Mirroring

  • Misaligned

  • Moving

  • Mutual

  • New

  • Nourishing

  • Nurturing

  • Obvious

  • One-sided

  • Open

  • Overlooked

  • Overdue

  • Painful

  • Parallel

  • Passive

  • Patronised

  • Performative

  • Plateauing

  • Polished

  • Pragmatic

  • Premature

  • Pressured

  • Productive

  • Progressive

  • Proud

  • Purposeful

  • Questioning

  • Random

  • Real

  • Realistic

  • Reciprocal

  • Receptive

  • Recovering

  • Rehearsed

  • Relaxed

  • Reluctant

  • Repressed

  • Resigned

  • Resonant

  • Resolved

  • Respectful

  • Responsive

  • Restless

  • Robust

  • Rocky

  • Routine

  • Rushed

  • Safe

  • Sad

  • Satisfying

  • Scary

  • Scripted

  • Secretive

  • Seeking

  • Seen

  • Settled

  • Settling

  • Shallow

  • Shifting

  • Slow

  • Smoke and Mirrors

  • Solid

  • Spacious

  • Spontaneous

  • Stagnant

  • Stretching

  • Suggestive

  • Supported

  • Symmetric

  • Synergistic

  • Tentative

  • Tense

  • Testy

  • Thriving

  • Timely

  • To the point

  • Transformative

  • Transactional

  • Trusting

  • Trying

  • Uncertain

  • Understood

  • Unified

  • Unhurried

  • Uninspired

  • Unresolved

  • Unsettled

  • Uneasy

  • Upbeat

  • Vague

  • Verbose

  • Vibrant

  • Vulnerable

  • Warm

  • Wholehearted

  • Worrying

These words are also on the printable pdf version with space to add your own words.

Click here to download your Relational Prompt sheet.

If you’d prefer to download the prompts to complete offline, you can get a copy of the pdf with space for your reflections.