Taking Relational Notes:
A first set of prompts and questions for thinking intentionally about your client relationships.
How to use these prompts
Think of these prompts as a way of walking around your client relationships - looking from new vantage points, through different lenses, noticing what you might not otherwise have seen.
You don't need to answer every question after every meeting. Maybe start with the ones that feel most relevant, and every now and then, stretch yourself to answer one that doesn't immediately seem to apply. Those are often the most interesting.
Take each answer as far as you'd like to. Ask yourself why you've answered as you have. What's the evidence for that? What else might be worth knowing?
Try to stay curious and let your thoughts lead you somewhere, rather than settling for the first answer that comes. Try not to judge yourself or your client at this stage - these prompts are simply to help you raise awareness.
The notes you take are for you, not anyone else. Allow yourself some freedom with them if you can. You could write in the traditional sense, or mindmap, draw, use a metaphor, or reach for a song lyric. There's no right way to do this - experiment until you find what works best for you.
A note on the word bank: if you find yourself unsure where to begin, or want some inspiration, there’s a word bank at the bottom of this page. You don't need to use it - but it's there if it helps.
Your Relational Prompts
How would you describe the quality of your relationship with this client? Has it changed since you started working together?
How would you describe the quality of trust between you and this client in this particular meeting?
How would you describe the quality of connection between you and this client in this particular meeting?
How would you describe the quality of your collaboration between you and this client in this particular meeting?
What's one thing you noticed about yourself in this meeting?
How would you describe how you feel after this meeting?
Is there anything happening in this client’s world (practically, emotionally or relationally) that you think may have influenced the meeting? What difference do you think it may have made? How did you respond?
If you had to guess at something your client might be feeling or thinking - but didn't say out loud - what might it be?
Is there anything about this client that you find difficult or challenging?
Is there a question you are left with after this meeting?
If you find yourself unsure where to begin, or want some inspiration, use this word bank to get started…
Accepting
Accusatory
Active
Agonising
Agitated
Alert
Aligned
Ambitious
Angsty
Anxious
Asymmetric
Attentive
Attuned
Authoritative
Automatic
Awkward
Boring
Boundaried
Brittle
Calm
Caring
Celebratory
Challenging
Charged
Clear
Clipped
Close
Closed
Collaborative
Concise
Confirming
Confident
Confusing
Connected
Considered
Contained
Controlled
Courageous
Creative
Curious
Cynical
Declarative
Deep
Deepening
Defined
Deflated
Delicate
Despairing
Detached
Detailed
Deterministic
Direct
Difficult
Discerning
Disclosing
Dismissed
Disrespectful
Distant
Drained
Dull
Dynamic
Easy
Emotional
Emotionless
Engaged
Enjoyable
Enriching
Enmeshed
Equal
Established
Evasive
Evolving
Exciting
Exploratory
Exposing
Familiar
Flat
Flourishing
Focused
Fragile
Frank
Forced
Frictionless
Friendly
Frustrated
Full
Generative
Grateful
Grounded
Happy
Haphazard
Hard
Harmonious
Heavy
Heard
Hemmed in
Hierarchical
Hollow
Honest
Hopeful
Idealistic
Indirect
Insightful
Inspiring
Level-headed
Light
Limiting
Measured
Meaningful
Meek
Micro-managed
Mirroring
Misaligned
Moving
Mutual
New
Nourishing
Nurturing
Obvious
One-sided
Open
Overlooked
Overdue
Painful
Parallel
Passive
Patronised
Performative
Plateauing
Polished
Pragmatic
Premature
Pressured
Productive
Progressive
Proud
Purposeful
Questioning
Random
Real
Realistic
Reciprocal
Receptive
Recovering
Rehearsed
Relaxed
Reluctant
Repressed
Resigned
Resonant
Resolved
Respectful
Responsive
Restless
Robust
Rocky
Routine
Rushed
Safe
Sad
Satisfying
Scary
Scripted
Secretive
Seeking
Seen
Settled
Settling
Shallow
Shifting
Slow
Smoke and Mirrors
Solid
Spacious
Spontaneous
Stagnant
Stretching
Suggestive
Supported
Symmetric
Synergistic
Tentative
Tense
Testy
Thriving
Timely
To the point
Transformative
Transactional
Trusting
Trying
Uncertain
Understood
Unified
Unhurried
Uninspired
Unresolved
Unsettled
Uneasy
Upbeat
Vague
Verbose
Vibrant
Vulnerable
Warm
Wholehearted
Worrying
These words are also on the printable pdf version with space to add your own words.
Click here to download your Relational Prompt sheet.