Stick or twist?
An Adviser Asks…
Is an agony-aunt style column where all members of the Financial Services community are invited to write in to ask for advice on any relational or ‘soft skills’ questions, dilemmas, issues or conflicts playing out in their working lives.
Got a question for Emma? If you’d like to ask for some advice on a dilemma or issue at work, please submit your question anonymously below.
TLDR
A financial planner writes in to An Adviser Asks feeling under pressure to grow their client bank, and frustrated by the need to chase ‘flaky’ clients, even after meetings where everyone seems on board. The strain is starting to affect relationships with their team, leaving them unsure whether to stick it out or make a bold change.
In response, Emma invites a deeper look beneath the surface inefficiencies. She suggests the real issue may be a gap in trust or a mismatch between expectations and client readiness and encourages a shift from chasing to curiosity. By leaning into hesitation rather than pushing past it, Emma suggests clients often find the clarity and confidence they need to move forward.
Dear Emotional Finance,
I’m feeling under pressure to grow my client bank at the moment. There’s a commercial expectation from my senior managers, and I’m also personally driven to succeed and to be the best financial planner I can be. I’m ambitious.
But the thing is, I’m already pretty stretched. I manage my home-life balance reasonably well. I’ve got a young family and I’m serious about being around for them so there’s no more give in the system there.
What’s really getting to me is the inefficiency of it all. I spend a ridiculous amount of time chasing clients who just don’t respond to my team’s emails or calls. It’s like pulling teeth. I get frustrated (though of course I don’t show it) because in meetings these clients seem totally on board with my recommendations. So what happens between the meeting and the follow-through? I simply don’t understand how people can be so flaky and unreliable?
My frustration probably spills onto my admin team. I catch myself getting irritated with them for not chasing harder and being more ‘on it’, even though I know they’re doing their best. I’m self-aware enough to see that I might be making things worse by hovering and adding pressure. I remember what it’s like in those roles and being pulled in every direction
So I’m just not sure what to do. It’s rubbish feeling this irritable with everyone (including myself a lot of the time) but I just don’t feel like I can just accept things as they are.
I sometimes wonder if I should look for another role where there will be more admin support. Or possibly I should make the bold move of letting go of the flakiest clients to make space for ones who are ready to take action.
What do you think? Should I just let go of trying to micromanage my team into following up more effectively and make peace with things as they are or make a bold move and shake things up? What advice would you give?
Yours, Stick or Twist
Dear Stick or Twist,
What comes through so loudly and clearly in your letter is how much you care about your clients, your team, your family, and about doing a good job. That might sound like a small thing to acknowledge, but when you’re caught in frustration, it’s easy to overlook the depth of your commitment. I’m hoping that you can acknowledge that for yourself in the first instance.
In terms of which decision to make going forward, you frame your challenge as inefficiency: too much time chasing, not enough progress, and so no obvious way to expand your capacity.
But I want to ask you to consider the possibility that inefficiency might not actually be the problem, but rather simply the way that something deeper is showing up.
From my perspective, the crunchiest part, the bit that gets me pondering the hardest, is the chasing. The fact that there is a lot of it. Because when chasing becomes the norm, I think it could signal that something isn’t aligning between you and your clients. That at a deeper level, there isn’t the shared understanding that leads to an inevitable action because it just all makes sense, and there are no lingering ‘what ifs’.
This, I think, is the part to get curious about. You may already have your own ideas, but here are two possibilities I’d invite you to consider.
First, that this is a trust issue. In The Speed of Trust, Stephen Covey describes how, in high-trust relationships, decisions happen more quickly and cleanly. There’s no need for chasing, over-explaining, or constant checking, because trust acts like oil in the system. It reduces friction, speeds up movement, and lowers costs. That’s why Covey calls it a trust dividend. In lower-trust dynamics, there’s more drag. Delays. Avoidance. He calls this a trust tax, where low trust costs time and money.
So, you might want to consider your client relationships through the lens of trust. Are you assuming trust is there? Or are you actively and consistently demonstrating your trustworthiness? In my Emotional Finance model, I describe four core trust building behaviours: benevolence, integrity, transparency and competence? Might there be some work to do here?
The second possibility is a mismatch between your expectations and your clients’ readiness to act. It’s one thing to agree on the destination—it’s another to feel ready to pack the bags and go.
There’s a theory in psychotherapy called the Paradoxical Theory of Change, which suggests that change happens when people fully acknowledge where they are, not when they strive or feel pressured to be somewhere else. It’s paradoxical, see.
I find it useful to think about this theory when considering disengaged clients or clients who aren’t following through on agreed actions. Because when someone drags their heels, it’s rarely because they’re lazy, flaky, or disorganised. More often, it speaks of hesitation, unspoken doubts, or inner conflict. They’re stuck, not unwilling.
If we respond to that hesitancy by chasing or nudging, trying to push action forward, we often end up amplifying their resistance. Because when people feel pressured to change, rather than supported and met where they are, they often freeze, dig in, or retreat.
Instead, the theory suggests that if you lean into their uncertainty, give them space to name and acknowledge their doubts, fears, or inner conflicts, they often gain the clarity and self-awareness to understand what’s really holding them back. And from there, they begin to free themselves up to act. It’s the act of voicing what’s true, and feeling it accepted, that allows something to shift.
So questions like….
“Is there anything about my recommendations that doesn’t feel quite right to you right now?”
“What might you feel unsure about after talking this through……?”
“Can you imagine what it would feel like to ……?”
“How would it feel if we moved forward with this?”
Create that space. Then give clients a chance to reflect, not so you can fix their hesitation, but so they can understand it. And that shift will not only free them up to act, but also free you from the exhausting and frustrating work of chasing.
And this, I think, is the crux.
I want to encourage you to step out of the role of chaser, not because you’re giving up or accepting mediocrity, and not because you need to replace your ‘flaky’ clients, but to create space and energy for something different.
Stop chasing. Start listening. Stop pushing. Lean in.
When clients feel truly heard and understood, when you meet them where they are with curiosity and without expectation, you build stronger, more resilient relationships. The kind that create trust, loyalty and shared understandings. The kind that lead to clarity and action.
You won’t need to force the next move because the whole system - your clients, your team, and you—will start to feel lighter. And in that space, real growth becomes possible.
Warmly,
Emma @ Emotional Finance.
Got a question for Emma? If you’d like to ask for some advice on a dilemma or issue at work, please submit your question anonymously below.